Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
