Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
