Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
