I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
