I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
