Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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