Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
