BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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