Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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