I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
