I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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