Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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