I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
