If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
