1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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