im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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