ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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