my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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