can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
