we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
