even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
