just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
