As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
