Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
