Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
