What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
