apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My vagina is very pro this idea
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