Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
