where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
