I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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