My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
