I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
