Fuck appropriateness.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
