My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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