do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
