Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
