I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My apartment stinks of burning failure
please don't ironically join a cult
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