Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
