what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
