You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
