if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
