I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
