Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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