so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
