You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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