Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
