I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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