I hope mine doesn't look like that
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
