Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
