O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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