I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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