i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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