I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
