My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
