just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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