phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
