i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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