Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
