We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
