ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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