i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize