Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
