Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
