And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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