I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
