We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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