LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
