I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
