i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
