i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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