thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
