i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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