what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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